i never write here anymore.
at the end of the day i really dont
have anything interesting to say.
at least not on a blog.
so forgive my lack of commentary.
sometimes 'silence is golden'.

"...I wonder do you know
If you still love me?

And if you ever come close
And have you ever come close
To coming back to me

It's no secret I still love you
I wonder do you know
If you still love me

I thought it would be
The easiest thing
To keep your heart whole
To keep your eyes dry
To never drop your hand
To always hold it tight

I'm sorry, so sorry
For everything..."

there will come a time gigantic
waves will crush the junk that i have saved
when the moon explodes or floats away
i'll lose the souvenirs i made
la la la

"You look so good in the shoes of an outcast
I kissed your throat every time they said it wouldn't last
But then I knew you, I knew you, I knew you
I really knew you

We fell apart in the parties of the empty heart
We danced the junkies in the shadows of bad modern art
We clicked our heels and we wished we were home
One more tab and your silk hits the chrome..."

"Your class, your caste, your country, sect, your name or your tribe
There's people always dying trying to keep them alive
There are bodies decomposing in containers tonight
In an abandoned building where

A squatter's made a mural of a Mexican girl
With fifteen cans of spray paint in a chemical swirl
She's standing in the ashes at the end of the world
Four winds blowing through her hair

But when great Satan's gone, the whore of Babylon
She just can't sustain the pressure where it's placed
She caves

The Bible's blind, the Torah's deaf, the Koran's mute
If you burn them all together you get close to the truth still
They are pouring over sanscript on the ivy league moons
While shadows lengthen in the sun

Cast on a school of meditation built to soften the times
And hold us at the center while the spiral unwinds
It's knocking over fences, crossing property lines
Four winds, cry until it comes

And it's the sum of man
Slouching towards Bethlehem
A heart just can't contain all of that empty space
It breaks, it breaks, it breaks

Well, I went back to my rented Cadillac and company jet
Like a newly orphaned refugee, retracing my steps
All the way to Cassadaga to commune with the dead
They said, "You'd better look alive"

And I was off to old Dakota where a genocide sleeps
In the black hills, the bad lands, the calloused east
I buried my ballast, I made my peace
Heard four winds leveling the pines

But when great Satan's gone, the whore of Babylon
She just can't remain with all that outer space
She breaks, she breaks, she caves, she caves"

--Bright Eyes- "Four Winds"

this guy is a lyrical genius.

"NOBODY IS COMPLETE. DON'T LOOK FOR THE OTHER, DON'T LOOK FOR THE THINGS, THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER. PLEASE, YOU WOULD NEVER BE AN ENTIRE PERSON. STOP LIVING AS A CONSUMER . NOBODY, AND NOTHING, WILL RELIEVE YOUR EMPTINESS. EVEN LOVE CAN..T DO THAT."

p.s.
(it's a post trying to promote a band, and they suck. should have known by the caps...) i must admit when i thought someone was saying this out loud to millions, not for fame, it meant more.

...and then i think i hear angels in my ears
like marbles being thrown against a mirror
and along the highway where unlucky stray dogs bleed
wild sage growing in the weeds

and some days i don't miss my family
and some days i do
some days i think i'd feel better if i tried harder
most days i know it's not true

iris: what happened to you, roy?
roy: life didn't turn out the way i expected.

oh, how could anyone not love the terrible things you do?
oh, how could anyone not try and help you?
oh, how could anyone try to rip it all apart?
oh, how could anyone not love your cold, black heart?
oh, how could anyone not finally diminish---
the thrill of blood comes instantly; there's only darkness at the finish.

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"sorry, but i've got to go
the birth was quick but the death was slow
there was so much i didn't now
so much i never knew about you

and so we disconnect
the room goes quiet around us
it's called the life effect
will it always surround us?"

"...and so we disconnect
the room grows quiet around us
nothing left to protect
the end has finally found us

the day is almost over
it's almost time for bed
so now you've finally lost me
rest your weary head"

"If you have it, you don't need to have anything else- and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you have."

--Sir J. Barrie

I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102

I just don't think I'll ever get over you

I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs

I just don't think I'll ever get over you

Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love

I just don't think I'll ever get over you

If I lived till I was 102

I just don't think I'll ever get over you

this is the BEST record i have heard all year. even though i am interpol's number one fan, i doubt that they can top this. hope i am wrong.

"he was gonna go down in flames, that was his style..."
--s. pearcy

when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
or you love someone but it goes to waste
what could be worse?...

originally, this is a picture i took of someone taking my blood. i asked a friend of mine to alter it in photoshop based on what i told him.


here it is.

"... Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance, I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak, I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What... good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying I-- I sometimes cannot think clearly, or- or do my work properly? What gain can rise from my telling you... the only time I feel fear as others do, is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety above all others. And yes... I will dance with you on our wedding night."

did you ever think of your friends as boring?

did it make you love them any less?

did you ever feel the need to tell them such a thing?

no, because thats not being a friend.

what is important to you is entirely different to someone else.

we are all boring if you think of life in such miniscule terms.

"Mr. Brad Delp. J'ai une ame solitaire. I am a lonely soul. To whoever finds this I have hopefully committed suicide. Plan B was to asphyxiate myself in my car."

"I take complete and sole responsibility for my present situation. I have lost my desire to live. Unfortunately [my fiancee] is totally unaware of what I have done."

--note left by late Boston singer

"A tangle of stuff seems to lie behind these mawkish tributes: from a charitable perspective, a simple devotion to the music, though that element is often overshadowed by slightly warped factors - chiefly, a darkly romantic fixation with dying young. If the central delusion of fandom is the idea that one's idol is close to a different order of being, the tributes left at graves are that idea in excelsis. No matter that many of the stones denote people who exhibited the usual rock-star pathologies: violence, alcoholism, arrogance, misanthropy. In death, all becomes perfection, plectrums and flowers."

I stood on my heart supports thinkin’
“Oh my God, I’ll probably have to carry this whole load.”
I couldn’t remember if I tried
I couldn’t remember if I took my brain out, threw it so directly at the goal
I couldn’t remember if I….
I could have my mind erased
And still not know exactly what I don’t already know

i am reluctantly watching the Academy Awards(i feel inclined with my new job), a foolish back-slapping tribute to who played the right games in Hollywood.

James Taylor just played a song called 'Your Town' or something to that effect. It was a blatant rip-off of 'Your Song' by Elton John. the opening notes were such a giveaway.

Leo Di Caprio just introduced someone and the person got cut off before he could announce something. It went straight to commercial.

Cameron Diaz presented and her cheeks looked like scrotums(botox at her age?).

Tom Hanks showed he is a true professional.

i can't blog anymore about this. i'm going to bed.

it looks like they shot it in a wider screen and condensed it, which works perfectly considering the angles. the video didn't need much; the song speaks for itself. but they did it perfectly. no gimmicks, just performance and a little romanticism.

i love it... to me it is one of the most perfect songs i have ever heard.

what draws me in is the colours; the musicians all wearing black and playing black instruments- the sky a purplish blue. also the thought of being on a cliff, so high over the water, is a great metaphor for love.

i will never forget the first time i heard this song, and i will never tire of it, either.

his performance started out just as i expected: overblown, speeding through hits and inexplicably- covers of hendrix, ccr, and foo fighters. with the 2 annoying dancers and the marching band, i was just about to give up on him.
then the stage turned purple and he launched into 'purple rain', my favourite song by him. he ripped on guitar, and seeing him singing the 'ooh' part at the end of the song while the rain was pouring down was just perfect. that song always moves me. possibly one of the best songs i have ever heard...

"...these were comrades whom i had; there are no better. they remain in my mind, and the enemy will never be forgiven. the 'enemy' was their mistake in playing.
let them play again, in some other way, and let them be happy."

--philip k. dick

The sun, whose rays are all ablaze
With ever-living glory,
Does not deny his majesty
He scorns to tell a story!
He don't exclaim,
"I blush for shame,
So kindly be indulgent."
But, fierce and bold,
In fiery gold,
He glories all effulgent!

I mean to rule the earth,
As he the sky
We really know our worth,
The sun and I!

I mean to rule the earth,
As he the sky
We really know our worth,
The sun and I!

Observe his flame,
That placid dame,
The moon's celestial highness
There's not a trace
Upon her face
Of diffidence or shyness
She borrows light
That, through the night,
Mankind may all acclaim her
And, truth to tell,
She lights up well,
So I, for one, don't blame her!

Ah, pray make no mistake,
We are not shy
We're very wide awake
The moon and I!

Ah, pray make no mistake,
We are not shy
We're very wide awake,
The moon and I!

this is the time of year i start getting into 'what did i hear this year that is worth remembering?'

i will have my top 10 albums in a few, but i thought i would note some singles i really liked first, since the album is almost a dead concept to me now.

1. the shins- australia
this is the best single i have heard all year, hands down. complex melody stucture, no familiarity, and all of the good components in place- refrain, solo, etc.

2. the decemberists- the crane wife 1 and 2
yeah, they signed to capitol. can i fault them for going after the money? they are harvard grads, after all. and geniuses of this victorian melody thing- longing and sadness with an unnatural restraint.

3. hem- not california
ok, i will be honest. i am not really remembering all of the single songs i liked this year, just the recent ones. i have always liked this group, and in this song, they take a van morrison-type of turn. it's relaxing, pretty, and pastoral.

4. killers- bling(confessions of a king)
i first listened to sam's town on a cross-state trip with my upgraded iPod headphones. that is the perfect setting for this record, with their bruce springsteen-leaning abandon. this song offered me the most intriguing quote i have heard in a while- 'how do you know that you're right; if you're not nervous anymore?'

5. guillemots- made up love song 43
this is a fractured song- and in the beginning, sounds kind of dumb. but as it goes on, you start to feel the warmth, and by the time you hear 'i love you i dont think you care' you are hooked. then, after the soaring harmonies and dancing bassline, hearing them sing 'i can't believe you care' echo your sentiments exactly.

6. +/- leap year
i've been hearing about this band for a while now, and this is the first song i heard, which happens to be the best one. building drums, awesome breakdown and rebuild. adding the female vocal at the end was a nice touch.

7. death cab for cutie- transatlanticism (live)
probably the most moving moment musically i have had all year. they played with intensity and fervor; almost seems like they knew what it was doing to me. it was brilliant.

It is interesting to note that the philosopher Kant in The Critique of Judgement (1790) comments that there is a brand of ugliness that is incompatible with the aesthetic stance. "One kind of ugliness alone is incapable of being represented conformably to nature without destroying all aesthetic delight and consequently artistic beauty, namely, that which excites disgust."

I think we have seen an unbelievable amount of it this year.

it's late, and i can't sleep. i think too much. i guess i should write more on this blog, the 'artistic' pictures are probably not that compelling. i second-guess everything i write, which is perhaps why i don't often do it. but, i was inspired by someone else, so i am making the effort.

this year has been full of change.

the beginning of this year i committed myself to something i did not believe in. i did it for many reasons, most of all because what i wanted didn't want me back. things were eventually repaired, in a typically dramatic fashion, but it was a hard lesson for both of us.

i had major issues with employment. this year, i have been a sales rep, customer service rep, fragrance/skincare expert (!), and finally, a programming coordinator which will be changing to an online content coordinator, director, or whatever it is.

i am in love. truly. it is the first time i ever felt like this. and it feels good. love is inspiring.

i believe 2007 will be the year i have been waiting for.

let's get on with it...